New Years Eve Reflection

When I look back from this year to where I am now, I think I am much happier. I am happier because I have my own space now that we have moved to a place above ground. I feel much brighter in spirit as I have almost quite literally dived back into God’s Word. I am happier because I have allowed myself to slow down and not fill the pauses in my day to day. I feel fuller with less. I am happier because I have finally allowed myself to not have control, but an outline of my day. Instead of fighting with my inability to control, and feeling desperate and helpless, I have found a way to truly let go and let God. Not in a perfect capacity, but a “goal” in mind of where I want to be. 

I know a lot of people have resolutions and wishes and goals for new years but I think Gods goal this next year, is Restoration in me. That word keeps getting highlighted in several conversations and context; too many to be a coincidence. Then again, I don’t believe in coincidences. God is just that creative and that makes me smile every time I hear the word “creative”. I believe in a past post, I had written about us being created in God’s image and that includes qualities too. My gift or talent I have finally accepted is creativity which directly comes from Him.

Going back to Restoration, I feel like this year is also going to include a massive amount of change in me. Which I think I am finally ready for, though I used to be scared that I wouldn’t remain me or bad things would happen if something changed. For example a cleaning out of whats in my heart. Matthew 6:21 says “Where your treasure is, there your heart will also be.” In other words, I have been keeping the wrong things and I can finally acknowledge that. I have been keeping fear, worry, anxiety among them. Fear of reactions to my opinions (from how I was raised) so I never had any. Understanding that I am allowed to have an opinion and not every body will agree with that opinion and being okay with that, was hard to allow at first. With all the political things going on, I have found I have to have an opinion. In Revelation 3:16 it says “But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!” To me this says, pick a side and stand up for your beliefs. It looks like it will be a hard year with growth and things going on in the world, but I think I might be ready for the change. In a place at least that is easier to accept it.

The whole thing about reading your bible everyday and pray everyday seemed like not enough. However, when I started doing it regularly, it actually does make a difference! It felt like such a simple thing to do, that it couldn’t possibly change anything, but it really does.