Close your eyes and imagine a warm soft breeze pushing your hair. Feel the sun kiss your skin tenderly and cover you with the comfort of a blanket. Dip your hand in the cool water of the pool in front of the bank where you sit, resting your soul.  Lean back against the rock to your right and relax as you feel peace wash over you. 

I have a beautiful secret place I go to in my mind to be by myself but with God. It’s an amazing place. There’s a glen behind you, but then the trees open after that into a meadow on the left and to the right is a river that comes with a waterfall about seven feet high with a river on the land above. The waterfall comes off of rocks that eject out of the short cliff and lands gently in the pool of water that is so clear you can see the bottom. The pool is a circle about eight feet wide around and then turns into a river to run through the meadow. Behind the waterfall is an area to get out of the rain or just to sit behind the waterfall and listen to the sounds echo through the small cave.

I go all over this secret place. I can lay beside a fat short bush with tiny berries, but not for me to eat, next to the pool. There is a large rock next to that. Sunlight glistens and sneaks through the tall trees and it’s never too windy, just gentle breezes. It’s never hot heat, but comfortable. 

This is a place for me to relax and unwind and not think about anything. It is a special place to be with Jesus and sit together and talk when I don’t want to be anywhere else and just connect.

With that in mind, I went to go tonight after a long time apart because I forgot about it and was upset by a change of order. Someone had splattered paint around and strewn trash about. And something was watching me with orange red eyes. Someone had taken over my area.

I had been trying to clean myself up and clean myself out inside but I forgot that if you don’t put anything in place of what you get rid of, more will come back and with a vengeance. Like in Matthew 12:43-45 “When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation.”

I had been working on bible studies with friends for about 3-4 years. Then we stopped recently because some moved and some of us had a new round of babies. It was hard to find a time to get back together because so much had changed, and I didn’t take care to make sure I continued in it by myself. I was most certainly stagnant even though I attend church every Sunday. Something has tried to move in to my secret place but I will not let it take root. With my revelation of emotional numbness, this is just the beginning of my journey. Or honestly with the way I really think: it’s a new adventure or quest. It’s the next level in my relationship with God.